Saturday, March 27, 2010

A word about fibro

I have lived with fibromyalgia for nearly 14 years now, having been diagnosed at the age of nineteen. I won't lie, it isn't easy. However, I have fibromyalgia, it doesn't have me. Granted, I have learned how to manage it and must be very disciplined in my lifestyle if I want to be able to function at a semi-normal level. For example, I must have a nap time every afternoon. Before the children came along, those naps could last hours. Obviously with children, that isn't possible. But I do manage to get around 30 minutes of light dozing most days. I simply make Helana lay down with me, and ofcourse Eastwood is no trouble at his age. I also cannot over do it. If I spend several hours doing something "physical" such as gardening, cleaning, even shopping, I will suffer for it the next two days. So, I have to limit myself. A full-time public job is something I'll never have again. I simply cannot do it.

The worst symptoms of my fibro are the chronic fatigue and brain fogs. Sometimes I am literally too tired to even think. I find myself struggling to absorb what someone is saying to me. It's like when you are dreaming, but you are half awake and know something is happening around you so you try to wake yourself up but cannot. That's what many of my conversations feel like on my "bad days". I simply cannot focus. And of course there is the pain. The struggle to even walk across the room. The need to flinch when someone simply touches my arm or gives me a hug. But, I've learned to ignore, if not appreciate, the pain. It keeps me awake, at least. Then again, that's not so good when I need to sleep.

Anyway, I've had people to ask me how I manage to home school and care for an infant while struggling with fibro. The answer is simple. I don't. I've given it all up to God and allow the Holy Spirit to direct me when I should or shouldn't do something. He gives me the strength I need to make it through each day and I could not ask for anything more.

After all, one should not give up what is right just because it is difficult.

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