Such is grace

I have been living with fibromyalgia for fourteen years.  I have become so accustomed to it that I have forgotten what “normal” feels like.  It is my normal.  Most days the pain is simply there.  Like a song you cannot get out of your head.  The more you think about it, the longer it stays.  So, it’s best to just not think about it.  That’s how I manage it.  Most days.

Then there are the BAD days; when I cannot even lift my arms to brush my hair; when it hurts to even wear clothes.  And the fatigue?  That has always been my biggest struggle.  Too tired to speak.  Too tired to THINK.  I need to just crawl in bed and sleep, but even that hurts, causing me to toss and turn because it hurts to stay in one position too long.  Those are the days when I need a gentle massage and a quiet room with no disturbance.  Sounds so nice.

Ha!  How do you think that gels with a sensory seeker?  A mom who must be touched gently paired with a daughter who requires deep pressure and cannot comprehend the word gentle?  Only grace.  It is only by God’s help that we manage.  Some days I think He zaps me with some kind of super-power to play through the pain and fatigue.  Does He have some kind of twisted sense of humor?  Is this His idea of a joke? 

No.  I believe this is His idea of molding me; teaching me to trust Him for even the ordinary things, such as walking across the room.   Never do I flinch or wince when I hug my little girl.  That is the pain-free zone.  That is my miracle.  That is grace.